Bali: Indonesia. 'Hi Guys, I'm a western tourist. Please love me.'

The English have Ibiza, the Americans have Cancun and the Australians have Bali. I'm talking about destinations where our tourists can go overseas without really leaving the country. We do it for the novelty of saying we are flying overseas, only to land in a beach location surrounded by other like minded individuals (stereotypes) of the same nationality to get drunk and have fights with. Oh, and the alcohol is much stronger and cheaper there too. What would our respective nations do if we couldn't take advantage of neighboring countries poor economies? Pay full price for our beer? Act ignorant to each other instead of the locals? Never! I am sure that every one of the locals despises us but musters a warm smile and bites their lip on the account of us being a lucrative cash cow.

The only problem with Bali is that unlike the Spanish of Ibiza and the Mexicans of Cancun, the Indonesians have taken to the annoying habit of blowing us Australians up. This has happened twice in the last couple of years, most notably in 2002 when a blast outside the popular Sari nightclub killed 88 Australians. But with our loud, arrogant, beer guzzling, gutter spewing culture infecting their beaches, can you blame them? In truth, it's not the Balinese that hold a strong anti-Western sentiment but rather the small but violent Islamic faction Jemaah Islamiyah that orchestrate the bombings. They did it again in 2006 (an incident which was coincidentally caught on camera by a German tourist).

Recently the Balinese authorities have detained several Australians on drug smuggling charges. Most notable is Schappelle Corby, who was caught with several kilos of marijuana stuffed into her luggage as she was coming through Bali customs. Evidence strongly suggests she is innocent and that the drugs were planted by drug running baggage handlers in Sydney. But an Indonesian judge dismissed this evidence and she is spending the next 20 years in a Bali prison. Also nine Australians (called the Bali Nine – go figure) were caught leaving Bali customs with large amounts of heroin strapped to their bodies. As their guilt wasn't questionable, some received life in prison, others are going to face a firing squad. Anyway, this was the next place I was about to go.

Kuta beach

To be honest, I didn't have really good expectations coming into Bali. I imagined it would be like Ibiza and Cancun but it was a mandatory step overland from London to Sydney, so who cares if I didn't enjoy it – I was nearly home. I was expecting to see the loud, drunk ugly Australian stereotype, think (Kath and Kim and their cousin Bruce) but I was pleasantly surprised. On arrival I did the typical Bali things – a massage, the buying of a genuine fake Rolex watch and the attending of nightclubs where the local Indonesian men swamp Western tourists on the dance floor. Interestingly, I arrived in Bali during "schoolies" week. Schoolies week is similar to Spring break, where high school graduates invade Bali to take advantage of cheap massages and strong alcohol (like me!) Indeed, they added a youthful exuberance to our nights out. Interesting.

After spending 24 pleasant but unremarkable hours in Bali, I appreciated it for what it was – a habitat for drunk Australians. I boarded a plane to make the short flight home.